I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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