mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
