Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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