i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
