Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's blow job season.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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