The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
