one might say we're banned from that church
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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