I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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