I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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