The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize