Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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