My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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