i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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