she woke up with a sticky ear
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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