I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize