i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
