I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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