Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
