you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
