NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
