i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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