that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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