I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
