I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
