Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
