: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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