While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
