Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
