Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
