Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
