grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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