You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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