I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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