how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
