And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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