my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
