I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
