1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
