I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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