I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
