I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize