I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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