I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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