I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
