omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
