what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
