god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
