i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
