I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So many bounce houses so little time
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
