My room smells like vodka and shame
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
