Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
