I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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