i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
