dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
