It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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