Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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