I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
