I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
