Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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