the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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