Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
