She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
