2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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