She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize