i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
