I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
