i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
