Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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