That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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