Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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