i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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