You don't have asthma, your pregnant
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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