Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
