Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
