cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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