I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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