and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
