Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
