He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
