You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had sex on a roof
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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