It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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