its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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