At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
