my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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