That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
