I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
