Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
