I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
