Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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