I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
