dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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