i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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