A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize