He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
