I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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