We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
