If i come over, it means nothing
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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