Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
