I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
