Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My penis needs a shock collar
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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