Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
