I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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