Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Send help, water and tortillas.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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